I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sober January is a disaster.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
