remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize