Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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