I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So many bounce houses so little time
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
