Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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