it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm both gender and math confused
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
