These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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