Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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