We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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