Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
