Your face is a jimmy john
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
