PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
