TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Randomize
