so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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