"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
