I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You left your phone here
Wait...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
