it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
