Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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