well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
