When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think my moral compass just broke
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
