K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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