My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
