i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
