I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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