True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
