oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
