it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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