I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize