Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fuck appropriateness.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
