Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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