Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
