I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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