I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
