my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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