I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
