if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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