I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
