if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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