why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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