I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
