it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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