I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
