Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
