I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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