Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
