The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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