OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
