Me. At least after what I've been through.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
