Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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