If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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