walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
