just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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