My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
