Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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