yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
