I just pynch a tree in the face
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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