they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
