Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
