Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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