woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
