You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
