Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she told me i tasted like america
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
