His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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