i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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