But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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