ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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