just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
