there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
