your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
