Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
