I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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