I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My vagina just recognized that song.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
