So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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