dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize