i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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