I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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