Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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