you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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