I think i peed on brittanys purse
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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